I was recently leading a marriage workshop when I asked the room, "How many of you have a prenup?" A little nervous laughter filled the space. After a pause, one couple slowly raised their hand. So I asked again—same question, same reaction. Then I clarified. "How many of you stood before God and witnesses and made promises to each other about how you would love, support, and show up in your marriage?" Now I asked a final time "how many of you have a prenuptial agreement?" Light bulb moment. Every couple in the room raised their hands. I contend that when you exchanged your wedding vows you made the Ultimate Prenup.
The Ultimate Prenup
There is a Latin phrase Finis Origine Pendet, translated "the end depends upon the beginning." In reality a prenup defines how your marriage will end. The conventional belief is that a prenup serves as a legal document that defines how you will dissolve the marriage when it ends in divorce. It often occurs when one party enters a marriage with more assets than the other party. Prenups often feel like you're treating your marriage just like you're hedging a bet... "just in case this doesn't work out." But what if we changed our perspective and thought of our wedding vows as the Ultimate Prenup which also defines how the marriage will end... "til death do us part." But the beauty of the ultimate prenup is that it not only defines how the marriage will end, but it also defines how the entire marriage will be lived.
Remember Your Vows
Do you remember the promises you made the day you said "I Do?" Most of us don't remember the exact words. But many of us remember the essence of phrases like "love and cherish", "sickness and health", "richer or poorer." Sound like the commitments you made? What if you took the time to lean into your vows? Here's an idea, what if you displayed your wedding vows as a reminder of your commitment? If you were to write a set of vows today what would you say?
Covenant Not A Contract
A legal prenup is a contract... a conditional -if/then-statement. The Ultimate Prenup is a covenant not a contract. Remember those vows? You said what you would do but unlike a contract it wasn't contingent on your spouse's actions. It was most likely "I will" or "I promise to." What you didn't say was "I will do this, if you do this." The thing about a covenant is that you must live up to your commitment regardless of what your spouse does. This is where unconditional love enters.
Your wedding vows were never meant to be words you said once, they were meant to be promises you live every day. When you begin to see those vows not just as part of a ceremony, but as a covenant that guides how you love, forgive, and show up for one another, everything shifts. The strength of your marriage isn't found in perfect moments, but in consistent commitment. So don't just remember what you said, live it. Because when you embrace the Ultimate Prenup, you're not just defining how your marriage ends… you're strengthening how it thrives every single day.