In 2007, Tyler Perry released the hit movie Why Did I Get
Married? The film resonated with audiences because it honestly portrayed
the highs, lows, disappointments, and complexities that so many couples
experience. For some of the characters (and most likely many movie goers) it raised an uncomfortable question: With everything that's
happened, was getting married really worth it? "Why Did I Get Married?"
That's certainly one way to ask the question. But what if we asked it differently?
Why did You get married?
Notice the difference. "Why did I get
married?" often sounds like we're questioning a decision. "Why did you
get married?" invites us to reflect. It challenges us to look beyond the
wedding day and consider something many couples have never really thought
about:
Does our marriage have a purpose?
In his 2015 book Sacred Marriage, author Gary Thomas asked the question: What if God designed Marriage to make us Holy more than to make us Happy? When we studied the book in our couples class, that question stopped our group in its tracks.
If we're honest, very few of us stood at the altar thinking, I hope this marriage shapes my character or I wonder what purpose our marriage will serve. Most of us were thinking something much simpler. "She was beautiful." "He made me laugh." "We fell in love." Sometimes the story is even less romantic: "We're pregnant, let's get married." Those are all understandable reasons to get married. But here's the distinction. Those are reasons to marry a person. They aren't necessarily a purpose for the marriage itself.
Most Couples Never Think About the Purpose of Their Marriage
After more than two decades of working with married couples, I've noticed something. Most couples don't enter marriage believing their marriage has a purpose beyond the two of them. That's not a criticism. It's simply how most of us think. We imagine building a home, raising children, paying off debt, taking vacations, celebrating anniversaries, and eventually growing old together. Those are beautiful dreams, and they're all worthwhile. But they're often centered on the life we're building rather than asking "why did God bring us together." Some couples never ask that question. Others don't ask it until years into their marriage. Then something changes. Children leave home. Careers shift. Retirement approaches. Life slows down just enough for a new question to surface. "Why did God bring us together?" "Is there something our marriage is meant to accomplish that goes beyond us?" That's often when purpose begins to emerge.
Purpose Is Often Discovered, Not Declared
One of the beautiful things about marriage is that its purpose doesn't always reveal itself on your wedding day. Sometimes it unfolds over decades. Early in marriage, you're simply trying to build a life together. You're navigating careers, mortgages, diapers, schedules, and responsibilities. Those seasons matter because they're shaping both of you. Then, over time, many couples discover that their marriage has become uniquely equipped to serve others. For some, that purpose is raising children who know love, faith, and integrity. For others, it's opening their home in hospitality, mentoring younger couples, serving their church, building a business together, or investing in their community. In our marriage, the answer has changed over the years. If you had asked us twenty years ago why we were married, we probably would have talked about raising our sons.
Looking back, we can now see that one of God's purposes for our marriage was to prepare us to encourage other marriages. We just didn't recognize it when we said, "I do." And that's encouraging because it means you don't have to have every answer figured out today. Your marriage is still growing, and your purpose may be to grow with it.
A Moment of Reflection
So let me ask you a question. Why did you get married? Not what first attracted you to your spouse. Not what made you fall in love. But today, after everything you've experienced together, why do you believe the two of you are married? Could your marriage be uniquely positioned to bless your family? Your church? Your neighborhood? Another struggling couple? Future generations? Have you ever taken time to pray about that together? The Apostle Peter wrote, "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have" (1 Peter 3:15). While Peter was speaking about our faith, perhaps the principle invites us to consider our marriages as well. If someone sincerely asked you, "Why did you get married?" would your answer go beyond how you met or why you fell in love?
One Conversation That Could Change Your Marriage
This week, carve out thirty uninterrupted minutes with your spouse and ask one simple question: "What do you believe is the purpose of our marriage in this season of our lives?"
Don't worry about finding the perfect answer. The goal isn't to solve the question in one conversation. The goal is simply to begin asking it. You may discover that your answers are different. You may realize your purpose has evolved over the years. Or you may sense that God is inviting the two of you into a new season of serving others together. Whatever you discover, one thing is certain: marriages with a shared sense of purpose tend to navigate life's changing seasons with greater clarity and unity.
The wedding joined two lives together. Purpose gives those two lives a direction. A marriage without purpose can certainly survive. Many do. But a marriage with a shared sense of purpose has the potential to become something much greater than itself. It can influence children, encourage friends, strengthen a church, impact a community, and leave a legacy that extends well beyond the husband and wife who share it.
So... why did you get married?
You probably knew why you chose each other. Perhaps now it's time to discover why God chose the two of you.